Re: things to talk about on first dates
disclaimer: i'm about to say some really lame shit and i know that it's lame and shitty and as a healthy 25 year old with a normal upbringing i really should be handling the fact that a girl i met on the internet and dated four times rejected me a little better but, well, fuck, it's me, and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet and i really do feel compelled to air this lame shit out somewhere and what better place to do it than here. also i'm pretty drunk (i went out with friends and that was fun while it lasted but now i'm alone in my room on the internet again and the lameness is creeping back)
the more i think about it (and at this point i really can't stop thinking about it, as much as i'd love to), the more i'm sure that i fucked it up by changing my status to "seeing someone". i fucked the whole thing up with a single mouse click (well, three or four technically but that's not important). everything up until then was going really well and only getting better and better and then as soon as i did that she doesn't call me back for a week and says "i'm not sure i'm ready for a relationship, let's just be friends". that was it, that must have been it, what else could it have been? all i had to do was not click that stupid button (well, those three or four stupid buttons technically but that's still not important) and i bet this wouldn't have happened just yet
and it sucks, because i really did like this girl. she was nerdy and goofy and cute and she didn't care that i was nerdy and goofy and boring; i could just be myself around her and she'd still laugh and smile in the cutest and most genuine way and she made me feel confident for a change, you know? but then i clicked those stupid buttons and fucked it up
i dunno. chances are that ultimately it didn't matter; if she wasn't interested in a relationship now, she probably wouldn't be interested in a relationship later. and if i'm being honest, i did want one with her eventually (i don't know if you could tell). this conflict was bound to happen sooner or later. sooner was the better choice i guess.
then again, if i hadn't fucked it up so soon, maybe she'd have grown to like me more and become interested in one. or maybe not. or maybe i'm wrong from the beginning and she dumped me for some other reason. maybe she decided she liked someone else. maybe she dumped me because i'm unemployed. maybe she didn't like my fashion sense. fuck knows.
doesn't matter i guess. it's over regardless.
at any rate, i've learned an important lesson. i just wish i'd learned it with someone a little lamer because goddamn, i did quite like her. she did seem to be sort of one of a kind.
doesn't matter, i'll probably get hit by a car anyway
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11-20-2009, 10:08 PM
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